A Simple Guide to Time-Out

Time-out has long been regarded as an effective method of non-physical discipline with children. It can also be used as a tool to help both children and parents calm down from an emotional situation. Although it seems to be such a basic concept, many books have been written on the subject trying to explain it. Some just want to know what time-out is and how to use it effectively.

Here is a short and simple guide to time-out, where some helpful explanations can be found below:

1. The child has misbehaved, or needs time to calm down.
2. Give clear cause and effect statement such as “We don’t throw toys, they might get broken, go to time-out for 5 minutes”
3. Then either child immediately goes to the time-out location, or is escorted there.
4. Set the timer or note the time on the clock.
5. Allow child to quietly sit in time-out until time period has ended.
6. After time-out has ended, praise child for sitting quietly.
7. Talk to the child about the incident and teach them new ways to handle the situation next time.

Additional notes for time-out.
Time-out can be an effective tool for caretakers of children between the ages of 2 to12. Because it is a non-physical parenting technique, it maintains the bond of trust and caring between the parent and child.

Additionally, it creates a peaceful setting for caretakers to teach children better skills to cope with the situation the next time. Time-out can be used for a number of reasons. Caretakers must decide what actions deserve time-out and then use it consistently with each instance. Some behaviors that time-out may be useful in curbing include hitting, not sharing, yelling back, and throwing things. Sometimes, a child may have an emotional or defiant outburst. All they need is to be removed from the situation and given time and space to calm down. At other times, a time-out may be needed for both the caretaker and the child, giving both a cool off period and an opportunity to handle the situation calmly.

After reading these notes on time-out, it is helpful to practice time-out with your child. This practice will teach them what is expected in the time-out, and also give you a way of praising them for learning something new and getting it right.

Where
The time-out location should be somewhere removed from distractions and activities. It could be a chair in the corner of the room or in a boring part of a hallway. Just remember to make sure the area is well lit and is safe, and that its removed from distractions.

How long?
As a general rule time-out should last approximately for one minute of each year of the child’s age. For example, 6 minutes of time-out for a 6 year old child, or 8 minutes of time-out for a 8 year old child.

It is helpful to use a clock during time-out so that the caretaker can maintain consistentcy. Some have used egg timers for time-out, which makes it easy to set the time. The ringing sound also signals that time-out has ended.

Most experts agree that time-out is effective when it is “quiet time”. If a 6 year-old child screams half way into the time-out, it is best to remind them in a clear and calm voice that time-out starts when they are quiet and restart the clock or timer. Because a child does not want to be in time-out, they may shout out or say mean things to upset you or engage you in dialogue. Do not give in, be provoked, get upset or talk back. By ignoring the dialogue you will keep the expectations clear, that time-out is quiet time. If they continue to scream and yell or the child runs out from the time-out location calmly escort them back and clearly state that time-out begins when they sit quietly.

When time-out ends.
Once a child has successfully made it quietly through the time-out period, now what? First praise your child for their success. Ask the child if they want to return to their activity, such as play-time or movie. If they say no, or seam defiant then give them some space. They might need more time to calm down.

At some later point in the day talk to your child about what happened. State the negative behavior and then discuss how the child could handle the situation better next time. For example, “today you threw a toy because your friend would not share it with you, next time you could ask them to share the toy, or find another toy, or wait until they are done playing with it, by learning to share we can make friends”. Inserting a “good kid” reason in the end helps your child learn how they can benefit from the new skill, such as sharing to help them learn it well, and of course give you another reason to praise them.

Conclusion
On a final note, remember that every child/caretaker is unique, and the guidelines to time-out can be tailored for each child/caretaker. While time-out can be another effective tool in parenting, it will only be effective when it works for the needs and individuality of each family. Several books and online resources are available for more information on time-out.

Lastly, get to know your kids. They’re the best resource available.

By Kenneth Bachman
Parenting Instructor and Family Preservation Specialist,
Auberle Allegheny County In-Home Services